Deconstructing the Final Race in the Fast and the Furious Franchise

The Fast and the Furious franchise is not what it once was.  It probably never will be again, though it may stretch beyond our living years, when Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson have used their immense riches to replace their withered forms with abnormally huge androids.  After seeing The Fate of the Furious, I know that this is no longer a car franchise, but a superhero franchise with cars.  Racing scenes have tapered off in recent movies, replaced by The Rock doing Captain America things, but Fate offered one token street race that very well may be the last in the franchise.  I have thoughts.

Spoilers ahead, but nothing you couldn’t have predicted.

Continue reading “Deconstructing the Final Race in the Fast and the Furious Franchise”

The Grand Tour is Just Okay

The Grand Tour

This morning I watched that 2010 60 Minutes story featuring my favorite show in the world: Top Gear.  As “Jessica” played and images of the Dunsfold studio, where the show was filmed, scrolled by, I found myself missing it desperately.  But I’m not supposed to miss Top Gear.  After years of waiting, The Grand Tour is here, and it’s supposed to assuage my sadness.  The only problem is that it doesn’t, because it’s not as good.

Continue reading “The Grand Tour is Just Okay”

5 Youtube Car Shows to Watch While Waiting for The Grand Tour

5 Youtube Car Shows to Watch While Waiting for The Grand Tour

Just the other day, St. Jeremy Clarkson the Punchy posted a picture of the first set of his new show with his former Top Gear co-starts, The Grand Tour.  But the Amazon Prime show won’t hit our smart TVs for binging until fall.  And since it’s hot enough to end all known life outside, we’re going to stay indoors until the leaves start changing.  So how can we pass the time until the summerpocalypse ends and it’s safe to breathe uncooled air again?  Other car shows.  And the best ones are online. Continue reading “5 Youtube Car Shows to Watch While Waiting for The Grand Tour”

I Watched Both Episodes of New Top Gear so You Won’t Have To

New Top Gear Hosts

Oh, Clarkson, what have you done?

This Sunday will be week three of what we’re calling New Top Gear (though, it could probably go by New New Top Gear), or perhaps Top Gear’s Caffeinated Cousin.  Gone are Clarkson, Hammond, and May, after Jeremy Clarkson’s famous fracas, in which he punched a producer, effectively ending his career at the BBC.  The other hosts went with him, leaving the world’s most successful motoring show in the hands of a man named Chris Evans. Continue reading “I Watched Both Episodes of New Top Gear so You Won’t Have To”

Marvel Heroes’ Cars and Bikes, Ranked

Cap's Street 750

With tomorrow’s impending release of Captain America: Civil War, the world is quivering and slavering over anything Marvel related.  So I thought I’d take advantage of that enthusiasm and pitch my manager a geekout session an educational article about the Marvel heroes’ wheels of choice.  For some reason he agreed, so I expect a host of comments debating my ranking and pointing out what I missed.  Don’t let me down.  I want to write more stuff like this during work hours.  Continue reading “Marvel Heroes’ Cars and Bikes, Ranked”

Why Mad Max: Fury Road is the Gearhead Movie of the Century

Mad Max: Fury Road

I wanted to give you all time to see it, but I can’t. If you haven’t quaffed Mad Max: Fury Road yet, if someone with longer nails than you dragged you to Pitch Perfect 2 this weekend instead (despite the fact that the former is the more girl-friendly movie), quit your job now and drive quickly to the nearest airport-sized cineplex. It’s summer. They have matinees on weekdays. It’s not too late. Because this is, in fact, the most important car movie of the 21st century, and we need to discuss why, and I can’t be babying you against spoilers. I’ll be here when you get back. Continue reading “Why Mad Max: Fury Road is the Gearhead Movie of the Century”

I Whined About Fast 6 So You Won’t Have To

Look, we all knew what we wanted out of this relationship.  It wasn’t Inception or Argo or Home Alone 3.  It wasn’t going to change your life.  It was just good, silly fun.  All fair ground for a predictably unlikely script in the true spirit of summer Hollywood blockbusters.

So instead of writing a traditional Leonard Maltin review and letting you all sound off in the comments with everything you hated/couldn’t believe/found glaringly inconsistent about Fast and Furious 6, I’m going to reverse it, getting all that bile out now, so you can use the comments to talk about how awesome it was that they had to use cars without computers (marry me, scriptwriters).  Yes, there will be spoilers.  Piton gun. Continue reading “I Whined About Fast 6 So You Won’t Have To”